I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
