bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
