You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
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