The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I want her autograph on my taint
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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