she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
