i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
