I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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