i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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