K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
