Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
