I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
whose parrot is this?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
