last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Let's get the cat blown out
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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