The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
