chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
