i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize