remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
