I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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