I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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