God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
