my vag is so smooth its legendary
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
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This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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