my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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