My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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