jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
