i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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