never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
