I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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