my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize