it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
