still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
