I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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