and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize