So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
