So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
