and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
