I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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