dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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