don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
