So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
