Dude my mom stole all your condoms
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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