just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
