i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
