you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
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I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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