HIV tests are more positive than that guy
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
