mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
