Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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