I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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