the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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