Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
