you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
