Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
