so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
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Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
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You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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