GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
