took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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