i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
