My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
