i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
