Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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