Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
