I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
