I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
