I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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