i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
