I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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