im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
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He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
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Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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